Life goes smoothly most of the time, but not all the time. Sometimes life gets pretty rough.
If people could choose just how their lives would be, everyone would probably want to be healthy, happy and safe all the time.
But no one has ever been healthy, happy, and safe all the time. Sometimes unpleasant things happen.
Everyone- no matter who he or she is, how old he or she is, what he or she has, or where he or she lives- has unpleasant experiences.
Sometimes these unpleasant experiences cause trauma.
Chapter 1: What Is Trauma?
Sometimes, when your body gets hurt, you feel terrible first… but soon you stop hurting.
Sometimes, when your feelings get hurt, you’re very unhappy at first… but soon you feel better.
But sometimes, the hurt doesn’t go away so easily.
You might feel angry, sad, lonely, and scared.
You might think nobody loves you anymore.
You might think something terrible is going to happen to you.
You might think you’re a bad person.
You might think you’ll never be happy again.
If something happens that hurts your feelings or body and makes you feel very bad for a long time, you’re probably going through trauma.
The things that cause trauma are called traumatic experiences. Why do people have traumatic experiences?
Sometimes, when people experience trauma, it’s their own fault. If you Break rules that are made for your good and the good of other people, or if you do something dangerous, you might have a traumatic experience.
But sometimes people have traumatic experiences through no fault of their own.
Many different kinds of experiences can cause trauma. The next chapter will tell you about some of the traumatic experiences that you may go through at some time or another.
Chapter 2: Traumatic Experiences That You Might Have
Nightmares The thoughts and pictures you have while you’re sleeping are called dreams.
If a dream is frightening, it is called a nightmare. Having a nightmare might make you go through trauma.
This is Elizabeth. Elizabeth used to have a lot of nightmares. Her nightmares made her feel… scared, trapped, weal and helpless.
Elizabeth’s nightmares made her wonder: What if I really did meet a monster? What would happen to me?
Elizabeth figured out that every time she watched a scary movie just before she went to bed, she had nightmares. So she doesn’t watch scary movies anymore. She also won’t listen to scary stories.
Before she goes to sleep, Elizabeth checks her room to make sure it’s safe. She locks the window so nothing can get in, and she leaves the door open so she doesn’t feel trapped.
She thinks about something pleasant that she would like to dream about.
Now Elizabeth hardly ever has nightmares.
Separation If you leave someone you care about… or if someone you are about leaves you, you might go through trauma.
This is Douglas. Douglas’s parents left him with his grandmother while they took a vacation. This made Douglas feel… angry, sad, left out, jealous, and lonely.
When Douglas’s parents left him, Douglas thought: Why can’t I go? Don’t they love me anymore?
While his parents were gone, Douglas kept busy doing things he enjoyed. He met some new friends.
When he missed his parents, he talked with his grandmother about how he felt.
He wrote letters to his parents, and they sent him picture postcards almost every day. He marked on a calendar the day they were coming home.
All these things helped Douglas to feel much better about being separated from his parents.
Moving If you move from one house to another… or of you change schools, churches, or clubs, you might go through trauma.
This is Grant. Grant’s father got a new job in a far away town, and Grant’s family had to move. This made Grant feel… angry, frustrated, sad, nervous, anxious and scared.
When Grant had to move, he thought: I Don’t want to move! All my friends are here. What if I can’t find any friends where we’re moving?
Grant’s mother showed him a map of the town where they were moving. He found out where their new house was, where he would be going to school, and where there were parks and playgrounds.
Grant packed his own clothes and toys.
His dad took a picture of all his friends standing together, and they gave Grant their addresses.
These things helped Grant to feel much better about moving.
Adding a new person to the family If somebody moves into your house… or if a new baby is born or adopted into your family, you might go through trauma.
This is Emily. Emily’s mother and stepfather had a baby boy, and Emily felt… jealous, threatened (afraid the baby might take her place), and left out.
After the new baby was born, Emily thought: They sure are crazy about little Erik. I bet they don’t even think about me anymore.
Emily decided to talk with her parents about how she felt.
Emily learned how to help take care of the baby.
She and her parents arranged special times to spend together without little Erik.
All these things helped Emily to feel much better about having a baby brother.
Divorce When a husband and wife decide they don’t want to be married anymore, they get a divorce… and stop living together. Divorce can make everyone in a family go through trauma.
This is Karen. Karen’s parents got a divorce. Karen felt… angry, rejected (unwanted), unloved, sad, and lonely.
After her parents’ divorce, Karen thought: Did I make my parents get a divorce? Doesn’t daddy love me anymore?
Karen wrote letters to her father.
Karen helped her father plan what they would do during the time they spent together.
Karen was glad her parents didn’t fight with each other any longer.
These things help Karen to feel better about her parent’s divorce.
Visit to the dentist, doctor, or hospital If you have to visit a dentist’s or doctor’s office… or go to the hospital, you might go through trauma.
This is Gerald. Gerald had to go to the hospital to have his tonsils taken out. This made Gerald feel… insecure (unsure of what was going to happen to him), scared, and worries.
Before Gerald went to the hospital, he thought: They’re going to cut me! Will it hurt? Will I die?
Gerald decided to find out everything he could about the hospital.
He read books and asked questions.
When Gerald went to the hospital, he took things he likes to do. He asked his parents to come see him as often as they could.
When his throat hurt, he talked to the nurse about how he felt.
All these things helped Gerald to feel much better about being in the hospital.
Injuries If you hurt yourself… or if someone else hurts you, you might go through trauma.
This is Jack. Jack broke his arm while he was playing football. When the accident happened, Jack’s arm hurt a lot, and he was scared.
Afterward, he felt angry and lonely.
Jack found out he could still do fun things, even though his arm was in a cast.
He was careful not to do anything that seemed too dangerous.
Jack’s friends offered to sign his cast and draw on it.
These things helped Jack to feel better about having a broken arm.
Disabilities A condition of the body that prevents a person from doing things most people can do is called a physical disability.
A condition of the mind that prevents a person from doing things most people can do is called a mental disability.
If you don’t understand disabilities, seeing disabled people can make you go through trauma.
This is Gwen, Gwen lives close to a school for disabled children. This makes Gwen feel… uncomfortable, curios, and judgmental.
Seeing a person who is disabled makes Gwen think: How did he get that way? Could I get like that?
Her new friend explained to her how they became disabled.
These things help Gwen to feel much better about disabilities.
Death When a person finds out that he or she is very sick and might not live very long, he or she goes through trauma.
When a person dies, his or her friends and relatives go through trauma.
This is Cindy. Cindy’s grandmother dies, and Cindy felt… sad, angry, scared, and lonely.
Cindy thought: Why did grandma have to die? Will I die the next time I get sick?
At first Cindy tried to pretend she didn’t care that her grandmother had died. But one night she cried very hard for a long time.
Cindy drew pictures of everything she remembered about her grandmother.
She thought about her happiest memories of her grandmother.
All these things helped Cindy to feel better about her grandmother’s death.
All of these experiences can cause trauma:
Nightmares
Separation
Moving
Adding a new person to the family
Divorce
Visiting the dentist, doctor or hospital
Injuries
Handicaps
Death
Some of these experiences might happen to you many times, while other may never happen to you.
Have you gone through any of these experiences?
If so, how did you feel?
What did you think?
What did you do?
Has anything else happened to you that caused you trauma?
How did you feel?
What did you think?
What did you do?
Traumatic experiences are always unpleasant. But if you handle them carefully, you can… learn about yourself, other people, and the world; grow; and become a better person.
Chapter 3: Handling Trauma
No matter what causes trauma…
There are several things you can do to help yourself feel better and learn from your experience.
Step 1: Face it. Figure out what caused the trauma and face up to it. Don’t try to pretend it didn’t happen.
When Cindy’s grandmother dies, Cindy had to face it.
Step 2: Accept it. Try to get used to the way things are.
Cindy had to accept her grandmother’s death.
Step 3: Figure out if anything you did caused the traumatic experience. Sometimes you do things which bring trauma; sometimes you do not.
Think about it.
Cindy had to figure out whether she made her grandmother die.
Step 4: Decide what you are going to do about the traumatic experience, and if there is anything you can do, do it. Sometimes you can do something to change things, sometimes you can’t.
Step 5: Do what you have decided to do.
Cindy had to decide what she would do about her grandmother’s death.
Step 6: Talk about your thoughts and feelings. You will have many feelings and thoughts. Don’t keep them inside you. Share them with someone else.
Cindy talked about her thoughts and feelings.
Keep talking about your thoughts and feelings for as long as you need to. Don’t think that talking about traumatic experiences one time will make everything okay. It might take you as long as six months, or even a year, to feel better and get your questions answered.
When you talk to someone about your thoughts and feelings, make sure…
You have time to talk and the other person has time to listen,
The person you talk to cares about you and might be able to help you, and
You tell the other person exactly how you feel and what you are thinking.
Following these steps can help you learn and grown, so that even though a traumatic experience is painful, good things can come from it.
Conclusion
Every person, no matter who he or she is, no matter how old he or she is, what he or she has, or where he or she lives, will go through traumatic experiences some time during his or her life.
A person might have a traumatic experience when he or she breaks a rule or does something dangerous.
Or a person might have a traumatic experience through no fault of his or her own.
Traumatic experiences are upsetting and hard to handle, but if they are handled carefully, they can help a person… learn a lot about himself or herself, other people, and the world; grow; and become a better person.
This is why…
The “tuff stuff” that happens to you is important and needs to be handled carefully.
