Something that may seem very morbid...

Some may know that I have always had a feeling that I would die young. What some may constitute as young, may not be the same for others. I am in no way psychic or have a specific reason for this feeling, I just simply know it is something I have felt for over 12 years.

After reading about Susan's death, it reawakened all those thoughts. They were never truly gone from my mind, just pushed back to the back, in hopes they would go away.

I have had this feeling for as long as I can remember. This feeling prevents me from giving 100% in life, mainly because it seems pointless to if it is all going to end "too soon." Why should I give my all for it to be taken away before I get to use it? Yes, some will say I should give 100% even if tomorrow was my last day alive. I just can't get that into my mind. I can sit and tell others how to live their lives, how to overcome things, but I can't ever shake this feeling. This feeling I have no reasoning for, no true knowledge about. No illness that could kill me, no family history of something. All I can give you is what is in my mind and soul; a feeling.

Again, going back to Susan. Her story, though I have not seen or talked to her since high school, seemed to hit very close to home. Maybe it was because she was recently married, maybe because we have the same bachelors degree or maybe it is something I don't even know about... either way, reading about it scared me, more than I thought. The thought of going through all of that, having my family go through all that is something I cannot stop thinking about. To leave my family at the age of 25, newly married and again, so young... I just can't get over that. Her story truly reminded me of this feeling I have had for so long. So, I write to tell others about this. To let them know that if I pass, you have all touched my heart and soul more than you could ever imagine. To all of you, I love you... and I hope this feeling is wrong. To the stars, I hope it is wrong.

xoxo- Kristen