Children are one third of our population and all of our future. ~Select Panel for the Promotion of Child Health, 1981

As the years roll on and I continue to work with children with special needs, I get asked the following question more and more: "Do you even want to have kids after seeing what you have seen?" My response: "It makes me want to have a child today, tomorrow and the next day."

Lately that could not be farther from the truth. I guess you could say my biological clock is ticking, but for me it is easily said than done. As some of you may know, I cannot have children naturally. I have known this since I was 16. It really didn't set it until I met Brent. I was 19 when I met him and we fell in love. I was terrified to tell him about my "issue" and didn't want to scare him off. If I told him too soon, I feared he would run for thinking I was too serious in the relationship too early. If I waited to tell him late in the relationship would I upset him for waiting too long or would it again scare him away. Well, I told him early on, explaining to him that children are important to me and when the time is right, I want to do whatever it takes to have a child. Though he might have been scared, it all worked out. We have since had numerous conversations about this "issue" and agreed we would have children no matter what it takes.

About a year ago I went to a fertility doctor to talk about my choices, if there were any. It has been 9 years since I was told I could not have children, and I had never really asked why or what my options were. After talking to the doctor, it was concluded that with medication, I should be able to conceive. I was SHOCKED and excited! When we decide to start trying, I will start up on the medication. They will give us 3 month of trying and if I am not pregnant within in that time, they will up the dose for 3 more months. If at that time I am still not pregnant, we will talk about other options. This news was almost bitter sweet. For nine years I had my heart set on adoption a child or multiple children. I am not saying that we wont do that, but I want to try to experience the joys of having my own child. I still want to adopt, and if we do have our own, biological, child, we will then adopt when the time is right.

You might be wondering why I am writing about this now... Well last night I was at work and the younger sibling of the child I was working with was very ill. This child's mother was at the store while the father was bathing the other children. The sick child woke up screaming and just in so much pain with a fever of 103. I went into this child's room and the child reached up for me and said "Miss Kristen, hold me." My heart about broke in two!! I sat with this child throughout my hours in the home, rocking, rubbing the child's back and simply talking with the child. Some may have been irritated with the noise and not being able to do anything but comfort, and it brought me to tears, but not because I was sad. I was brought to tears because it made me realize, once more, how much I want children. I want to care for them when they are sick, when they are happy, when they are "bad" and everything in between. I cannot wait to experience this and I know Brent will be an awesome father. Whenever we are around children, they are so drawn to him. I know our future children will be the same way.

I cannot wait to expand our family. I know it will all happen in due time and when that time is appropriate!